Some new Financial Terms.

It is for fun only.

• Standard and Poor (S&P):  Good times and bad
• Broker:  Poorer than you were last year.
• Broker:  What my financial planner has helped me become
• Brokee:  Someone who buys stocks on the advice of a stock broker.
• Stock Broker:  End of day market report
• Bond Broker:  That guy who puts up court money to get you out of jail.
• Buy High, Sell Low:  Market advice for the little guy
• Value Investing:   The art of buying low and selling lower.
• Momentum Investing:  The fine art of buying high and selling low.
• Bull Market:  A random market movement causing investors to mistake themselves for financial geniuses.
• Bear Market:  A 6-to-18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
• Bull:  What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter.
• Cash Flow:   The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
• P/E Ratio:  The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
• Recession:  A mild downturn in the economy where some friends and neighbors become jobless.
• Depression:  A mild downturn in the economy when you are jobless along with friends and neighbors.
• 201/K:  What used to be your 401/K.
• Poison Pill:  What investors want to take when they see their 201/K balance.
• Discounted Stock:  A stock that is less expensive than last month and more expensive than it will be next month.
• Financial Adviser:  Bookie.
• Hedge Fund:  The money, jewelry, and silver coins you buried in your back yard under the hedge
• Analyst:  Your proctologist’s trainee.
• Pension plan:  A plan to keep you working because the market crashed.
• Economist:  An expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.
• Financial Planner  A person whose phone has been disconnected.
• Social Security:  A federally mandated pyramid scheme.
• 52-Week Low:  How you feel each new day when you get home.
• TARP:  What you sleep under after you lost your job, car, and house.
• Foreclosure:  The time that the stock market stops dropping each day.
• CEO:  Chief embezzlement officer.
• CFO:  Chief fraud officer.
• EBIT:  Earnings before irregularities and tampering.
• EBITDA:  Earnings before I tricked the dumb auditor.
• EPS:  Eventual prison sentence.
• FRS:  Fantasy reporting standards.
• IRS:  I’m really sexy
• Fair Value:  What you give up when you buy stock
• Unfair Value:  What you receive when you sell stock.